Saddest Facebook status lines ever

If you're looking for status line suggestions, click here.

If you're looking for random amusement, read on. Names have been changed (obviously) to protect the boring, the random, and the grammatically inept.

• Wayne Gretzky is glad that Fluffy's spay went well.
• Mats Sundin is today is grocery store and coffee tonight with friends!
• Chris Chelios agrees that the price of our freedom from sin was paid by Jesus' blood.
• Ron Hextall is glad to be spending time with Claude, but sad they can't do anything because of his shoulder.

Please note that none of the afflicted are friends of mine. This is a random sampling I came across while doing some research. It may seem very bitchy of me to be ridiculing these probably-lovely people - and it is. If Chris loves Jesus, then I fully respect his faith. As I respect how worried Wayne must have been about Fluffy.

What so exasperates me about these status lines is that they perfectly embody what I dislike most about Facebook, that is, knowing the minutiae of other people's lives. It's almost as bad as having to listen to someone's inappropriate cell phone conversation in a crowded bus.

As a writer, the information is certainly being socked away for the day when I have to create a similar character, but as a sarcastic know-it-all, all I can think is, "if you're not going to tell me something interesting or new about your life, don't bother!"

I suspect that it's just a matter of perception. My friends are clever, creative people and they always manage to compose status lines that are notable, funny or surprising. Wayne, Mats, Chris and Ron are not my friends, so maybe their status lines are uninteresting to me because on the surface, they seem trivial and/or boring.

Maybe Fluffy is a sickly cat and every intervention has been fraught with anxiety. Mats could be an agoraphobic and his getting out of the house is a great achievement. Maybe Chris was a meth head and his love of Jesus is inspiring other meth heads. Ron... well, Ron...

I don't understand Ron. If he's enjoying spending time with Claude, what's he doing on Facebook?

So I know this post is hypocritical. First, I have a Facebook account and check it regularly; therefore, fully consenting to have access to the lives of others. Second, I change my status line frequently and sometimes spend more than a few minutes composing a fun, clever phrase; therefore, subjecting others to reading about the minutiae of my life.

If I were a truly upstanding individual, I would delete my Facebook profile entirely, but it is occasionally very useful to me. So until I develop some backbone, I will try to keep my shouts of "who cares?" to a minimum.

Also, please feel free to contribute your own status line favourites.