Christmas Facebook status lines

Why do most of these sound grumpy, rude, or dirty??

• Komisarek is hoping for a Festivus miracle this year!
• Komisarek is embarassed by [most hated Christmas character/item] and wants to know if the Jews will take him.
• Komisarek is bringing you gold, frankincense and some whup-ass!
• Komisarek is going to stuff your stocking good.
• Komisarek kicked an elf today.
  
• Komisarek just ate his own weight in Christmas cookies.
• Komisarek is going to slide down your chimney tonight. Wink. Wink.
• Komisarek just ate Rudolph for lunch. With sauerkraut.
• Komisarek wants [name of sexy person] is his stocking this Christmas.
• Komisarek says "Happy Birthday Baby Jesus!"

More FB status lines for xmas here!