Before moving to AYM, the first seven years of my yoga practice were spent at the NDG YMCA. Yoga classes were in a small room off the gymnasium. There were toys from the daycare piled in one corner and the air wasn't always "fresh", but the teachers were very good.
The only real disturbance in the class came from a regular - a woman. She remains the most unpleasant person I have ever met, with a face perpetually twisted into a grimace and a growl of a voice. Myself and the other regulars attempted to be friendly if she settled next to us, but she never returned the smile or said hello back. After a while, we just stopped trying.
Some people would even move their mats when she put her mat down next to them. Her presence was that toxic.
- Laying out her mat was usually done with an angry snap. If she thought that your mat was too close, she gruffly told you to move it.
- She rarely listened to the teacher's instructions, usually doing whatever position she wished and in whatever form she wished. She did not take kindly to adjustments.
- Also, she was not very adept at balancing poses and usually fell out of them with heavy feet and indiscreet flailing, which inevitably caused her closest neighbours to lose their balance too.
- She would sometimes get up early from savasana, making plenty of noise as she left.
The joke I kept to myself was, "Don't make eye contact with her in the mirror Palanca, you'll turn to stone!"
And yet, she kept coming back, week after week.
What (still) troubles me about this woman is how immune she was to yoga and it's beneficial effects. She did not go into the practice with good intentions, she showed no respect for her fellow yogis or for the practice, she was unpleasant and distracting throughout the practice, and if you met her on the street afterwards, that twisted grimace was still firmly in place.
One of my current teachers would say that you have to welcome these people into your class because it allows you to sharpen your focus. But I can't help wondering why she kept coming back when she gained no benefits from the practice, and she seemed to regard her peers (and the teacher) with disdain?
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I've quit jobs (that I liked) because of having to work with someone like that...Why DOES there always seem to be one of those in any group?... whether in a class, a work place or a neighborhood-always one who has to make things unpleasant.
...Maybe it's due to some natural law of ratios.
I can understand people being unpleasant at work or other environments where there is considerable stress... but in a yoga class?
There is only one thing I have ever learned to be true: we never know another person's story. And there is no way to know what - if any - benefit she derived from the practice.
Carlos Castañeda (The Teachings of Don Juan) called these people "petty tyrants", and considered anyone who encountered them blessed to have done so. They may be unpleasant, but they are masters who teach us about ourselves.
Then I will consider myself to be blessed :)
One thing: yet she kept on showing up.
She obviously got something from the practice but it didn`t show on the outside.
Because that`s the thing with yoga - it tends to glow from the inside.
And there was no glow.
Just GLOWering.
I am dealing with an unpleasant student right now, and some similar questions raise themselves. He is enrolled in a challenging international program, designed for students who love academic work and delight in learning. He left the program for a year because of personal problems, and when he wanted to come back, the coordinator discussed his decision with him at length: are you sure this is what you want? Are you sure you're ready to take on this challenge?
He said yes, but since returning he has missed almost half the lessons, handed in less than half the work, and taken an attitude in class that suggests that learning anything new is distasteful to him (he is either silent and distracted or belligerent when interpretations different from his own are suggested. In other classes, apparently, he often sleeps or types on his laptop.)
He knew what he was getting himself back into. Apparently, his career plans don't require a CEGEP diploma, and certainly not an elite credential like the program he's pursuing. He doesn't seem to enjoy academic work. But he made the choice to be there. Why?
Clearly, it is benefiting him in some way, or he thinks it will in the future. Or maybe he doesn't know why he's there, but feels he has to be.
One thing he has taught me is that unpleasant people are often deeply damaged and seriously depressed. Perhaps he, and your grimacing lady, are struggling with their depression by trying to engage in something meaningful. Maybe we can commend them for this.
What's more, imagine how horrible she'd be if she WASN'T doing yoga!
I like what you say about "trying to engage in something meaningful" - it rings very true. That is a universal goal that I can definitely understand.
I suppose that's all fine and great--until they start corrupting other team members and ruining your project. When that happens, fuck those people. We can assume one thing--they are getting a paycheck out of being there, whether they actually want to be there or not. At some point, usually early on but not always, I no longer care about their inner life. They are making mine crappy.
But then, as we all know, work and school are quite different from yoga class. Yoga class or not, though, I am not sure that I really need more petty tyranny in my life. That's why I am not a therapist.
"I don't give a shit about your mother, all right? Just fuck off with that already. That'll be $85."
How shitty of me to say, someone that for one in his life really needs a particular ear to talk into...
Verification word: "educc". For "educcation".
"Petty tyranny" - I feel as if that would be a really good name for a rock'n'roll band.
"Educc" would not.
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