Or, the Day that Too Much Vata Got the Better of Me.Or, a Spectacularly Bad Morning at YTT.
When I woke up from an uneasy sleep, my knee was feeling a little tender (I got too fancy yesterday) so I travelled by metro to take it easy. I noticed on the way out that my hair was dry and puffy, but I didn't bother trying to fix it. No time. By the time I put myself on the meditation block, my allergies had also started tweaking, but I tried to remain positive as I began deep breathing.
Ten minutes in, with my legs in extreme external rotation and the block pressing up against my flesh, my sciatic nerve twinged on one side. It felt like a knitting needle inserted through the middle of my buttock and down the side of my right thigh. I gasped almost silently, rearranged my legs and tried to breath through the discomfort.
I managed to alleviate the pain through breathwork, but my mind was soon untethered and a strange spiral began. During walking meditation, I couldn't shift my consciousness into my feet - and it felt as if there was a barrier between my feet and the floor. During the second sitting meditation, the sciatic nerve was quiet but the SI joint on that side was tender - and an old groin injury on my left side also joined in the cacaphony.
My frustration was complete - just as the yoga practice began. Tears mixed with the mucus running from my allergy-piqued nose and my mind continued to unravel like a poorly-knit sweater. I hated my body. Intensely. My muscles were contracting around the injured areas and I quickly became stiff. Now sweating profusely, I also felt fat. My right nostril was burning.
I practiced the cooling/grounding techniques we had learned the day before, and I modified the high-level practice Allison was meting out to suit my current state. But I was still completely detached from my body and my mind was in a cloudy stratosphere.
I was so broken, by the time I got through lunch and my belly started to inflate with painful gas, I couldn't even muster the tears anymore. This morning was, I thought, the most spectacular failure.
Afternoon lecture: Ayurveda
Still with me? Keep reading - we're almost to the gravy.
What is ayurveda? It's traditional Indian medicine, based around your particular dosha, or constitution. If you've ever purchased shampoo, then you can understand the difference between the three doshas. Here's an oversimplification for you:
- Vata is Dry Hair. If you're predominantly vatta, you dry out quickly and require warmth and oil for balance.
- Pitta is Normal Hair. You may be glossy, but to maintain balance, you need just the right complement of dry and oil.
- Kapha is Greasy Hair. To correct imbalances, you need some warmth and dryness to cut the grease and add some bounce.
If your predominant dosha becomes hyperactive (because of environment, diet, etc.), there are negative consequences throughout the mini universe that is your body.
I am mostly pitta, with a healthy dose of vata, and a pinch of kapha. As our ayurveda teacher began detailling the principles, it became plausible to me that in the last 24 hours, my pitta had dropped and vata was running rampant through my system.
Some of the characteristics of a vata imbalance:
- dry hair/skin
- inability to sleep well between 2-5am
- lack of concentration
- feeling of not being grounded
- generalized aches, sharp pains, stiff and painful joints
- anxiety, agitated mind, self-defeating thoughts
- intestinal bloating, gas
The basis of ayurveda is that if you know your body, you can help your mini universe find healthy balance. As soon as the lecture ended, I felt lighter because I was more confident about reconciling the morning's events. My body was simply reacting to pressures, and I chose to observe the reactions, rather than ignore them. I brought all my attention to the symptoms in order to better understand them, and I began exploring changes that could influence my body's complaints.
Day 13 was not a stellar day - but it was an excellent lesson in how to listen to your body. And reassurance that yes, I am learning!
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5 comments:
This is so interesting. On a much less intense level, I had a day similar to yours yesterday. I went on a day-long meditation mini-retreat (Nyinthun) but was so tortured by it that I fled about three hours early. I felt unbearable tension through my legs and hips that made sitting meditation almost impossible. My mind shrieked rebellion so persistently that just breathing took all my energy. And many of the vata imbalance symptoms you describe have been plaguing me lately. Maybe a dietary overhaul is in order.
I took a day yesterday to get things done around the house. I refused invitations and napped when necessary. Good grounding stuff.
Hope you find a little more balance soon :)
How the hell do you meditate all day? (N.B.: I don't have a very good notion of meditation.)
SC will have to answer that one... I can only manage 30-60 minutes at a time. And it's haarrd!
Alton: At the Nyinthuns I've been to, sitting meditation usually takes place in 30-60-minute blocks, with walking meditation in between. There is a break for lunch, a break for afternoon tea, and usually a talk near the end of the day. My last attempt was less torturous, and I'll try it again. My next goal is to do a week-long retreat later this summer; we'll see if it destroys me.
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