Lacuna

So what did you think your adult life would be like when you were a kid? Did you ever become a fireman? Did you get married and have those two kids? Where's that dog you always wanted?

How big is the gap between what-you-thought and what-came-true? Is it better? Is it worse? Would the kid-you-once-were recognise the adult-you-are-now? Would they like each other if they met?

I ask these questions because I'm having trouble recalling those memories.

I remember wanting to write and being surrounded by stories, stories, stories from my earliest days. I also remember a short period of time in which I wanted to be a hairdresser. I remember wanting to dance ballet. I remember not believing in Santa Claus. I remember walking to school in the third or fourth grade and thinking, "Just my luck I turned out to be not-pretty". And I remember music every day.

I don't remember fantasizing  about getting married and dressing up like a bride. I don't remember dreaming about having children. I just remember wanting words every day. And looking forward to the day when someone would want to be my Gilbert Blythe. And having a house of my own where friends could come and visit anytime.

So have you filled the intervening years in a satisfying way? Or is there a gaping lacuna between then and now?

I think I'm doing ok. I still have words, stories and music every day. I have a bee-yoo-ti-ful house with a stone Buddha and a crystal chandelier. I have a great hairdresser who helps me overcome my karmic deficiencies. The Santa Claus cynicism does not seem to have negatively impacted my personal development in any lasting way. No one wants to be my Gilbert Blythe (stupid boys!) but I have an army of Diana Barrys to make life bearable... nay pleasurable!

I hope mini-Adriana is proud of me, that I haven't let her down. I'll see what I can do about the ballet... maybe she'll let me do flamenco instead.