Today was an extremely productive day. Gardening. First coat of paint in the bedroom done. Baked bread. Cleaning. And I still had plenty of time for girl talk with a few friends.Topic of the day: What do you want from a relationship time-wise? Do you need the fusion-type relationship that keeps you and honey in almost constant company? Or are you okay with seeing each other, say, three or four days a week? What about living together? How soon? Not even an option?
Here are some highlights:
- "If we spend all that time together, how am I supposed to miss him?"
- "I've got things to do, activities, friends, so I'm totally fine if he has his own stuff going on. That means we can balance our time together - and apart."
- "What are we supposed to talk about if we spend that much time together?"
- "I don't even mind if we're both home and doing our own thing."
You can probably guess from the comments where our preferences lie, but what about you? Do you think it's a matter of personality? Lifestyle? Age? Or does it change from one relationship to another?
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5 comments:
Hi,
After two long-term relationships - the first one lasted 10 years and the second one, well 10 years and still counting - I'd say BALANCE.
In my first relationship we hardly saw each other althought we were living together. We went on vacations together maybe 5 times total in 10 years. We worked at different hours, had few common friends. We were both busy with our lives and we lacked intimacy to the point that eventually, there was nothing left then bills to share.
So even thought I still feel that we both need our space, our friends and some individuality into the mix, I now know that I also must make time for us.
So in this equation, there's me, there's him and there's us.
That's how it works for me.
Definitely a matter of personality.
The boyfriend unit and I live together, and he mostly keeps to his office for most of the day. Meanwhile, I keep busy in the backyard, doing art, cleaning, watching TV; anything that's not in his office. We spend hours without exchanging so much as a syllable, and it doesn't seem to phase us.
Other people, however, prefer constant stimulation from their sweetheart. I don't get them, but I've met them, and they really are that way, without necessarily being needy or psychologically damaged. It just is.
My $0.02: I think it's a matter of personality but that age tempers it. I'm not sure if the relationship itself comes into play because we tend to choose the relationships that deliver what we want in terms of time-intensity. But that's just me.
Definitely a matter of personality.
Future Mrs Imaginary Reviewer and I were forced to live an hour apart for the first two years of our relationship, when we lived in Japan. After that we moved in together in Canada, and it felt like the most normal thing in the world. She was initially against cohabitation, but our circumstances pretty much forced it upon us, and I'll be honest, after three years of living together we still can't get enough time together.
One important thing is space, though. Our last apartment had a spare bedroom which we converted into a small study. This was great as it allowed us to escape from the other for a while if things got too much.
Some great comments this morning!
Although Isabelle first mentioned it, many of you have also addressed BALANCE. I also like the importance of SILENCE, offered by Olivia.
But doesn't this all stem back to intimacy?
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