Here are the top eight reasons why I'm a bad Montrealer ( I tried to come up with ten, but I couldn't get past eight).Warning: On a few occasions, you may want to accuse me of getting old. Truth is, I already felt like this when I was 16 years old so you have no grounds - haa!
Photo was affectionately borrowed from CrissyAlright on Flickr.
- I don't like festivals. Festivals = crowds with sharp elbows, bad traffic flow and in-your-face backpacks. And I hate crowds. I'll happily buy a ticket to a show and make appropriate noises from my seat, but don't ask me to see free shows during the jazz fest or Just For Laughs. I'll say no.
- I don't like shopping. I tend to shop like a marine. My shopping trips are strategic strikes: I go in, I get what I need, and then I get the **** out. None of this browsing through every t-shirt on the rack or debating between turquoise or green for an hour. Buy and get back outside pronto!
- I don't like the tam tams. Remember all I said about point one? Take that and add "music that sounds the same" and "drunk McGill students".
- I don't know anyone who works at Ubisoft. And considering I live in the Plateau, this is astonishing as Ubisoft employees comprise approximately 76% of my neighbourhood. To compensate, I do know people who work at Cirque du Soleil.
- I have never made out at the Mont Royal lookout. Like number four, I am confident that this will change in the near future [fingers crossed].
- I don't like Irish pubs. Although I used to frequent them often in university and in my 20s, Irish pubs now make me cranky with their shrill Celtic music and clusters of drunk frat boys from Massachusetts singing "What do you with a drunkkken sailor?"
- I'm not a huge fan of Leonard Cohen or Mordechai Richler. They're legends and brilliant artists, but they just never conquered my heart, what can I say?
- I will not wait in line for food. Beauty's does make a nice pancake. And those restaurants along Duluth serve delicious food. Am I going to stand around with 20 other people waiting hours for a table? No! I will go to one of the city's other fine eateries, because when I'm hungry, I want to eat.
Photo was affectionately borrowed from CrissyAlright on Flickr.
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18 comments:
Actually, hating the Tam-Tams is a sign that you're a true Montrealer.
I used to love them when I first moved here. Then they started to irritate me. Now I avoid them altogether and when people suggest going (usually some of my transient, out-of-towner friends), I always implore them to do anything else.
Yep. I'm a bonafide Montrealer now.
I'm with you on everything but #5 (highly recommended)
Dave
Thank you for your support, once again.
I always find it difficult to say something nice when someone says, "Oooh, I looooove the tam-tams, don't you looooove the tam-tams?"
No! NO! NOO!
And Olivia - I think you've been part of the tribe for a while now :)
I'll stop feeling self-conscious explaining my hatred of festivals to people. Thanks for backing me up on that.
I have found, though, that Irish pubs are the only decent place to get a beer and a sandwich with fries in the afternoon, and I wish my neighbourhood had one for that reason.
I'm a lifelong Montrealer and I'm annoyed by the same things. None of them seem particularly organic to Montreal, they seem either touristy / brought to town by out-of-town McGill kids or visiting Bostonians up for a hockey game.
Now if you started hating on Fairmount bagels, we might have to exile you to the West Island, though.
LOL why go to tamtams when there's trance playing over at the gazebo? (we'll see how long that lasts this year). I hate festivals too, but at least on the mountain you can get away (if I'm there, I'm not in the throngs of people!).
I don't wait in line to enter bars or clubs. Same reason: when I' thirsty...! :-)
Could number 9 be something about the metro? Perhaps the metro in winter? What about street fairs?
Always glad to help! :-)
When it comes to bagels, I am a true Montrealer, no worries on that count, AJ :)
And I'm sure that my belonging to the St-Viateur camp will not affect our friendship, right?
SC: Really? I will attempt to find you one.
VB: No. 9 was supposed to be "I actually wait for people to get off the metro before I get on" but I deemed it not funny enough.
Maybe I should reconsider :)
I'm definitely with you on 1, 2, 3, and 8. With regard to 6 (Irish pubs), I like 'em just fine as long as there's no live music playing and there are no drunken McGill students around.
All you have to do is make out at the look-out with a Ubisoft employee who loves Leonard Cohen. That'll right all wrongs.
Next, I want to see the list of what makes you a good Montrealer!
Minor correction:
I have to make out at the look-out with a Ubisoft employee who loves Leonard Cohen -- and who I met at a very conservative Irish pub , yes?
This reminds me of that time an American dude was going on about Leonard Cohen, who was his idea of a fabulous Canadian.
My cousin wasn't responding much, and seemed a little bored.
The American asked, "Don't you like Leonard Cohen?"
To which she replied, "Let me put it this way: No."
My number 9 would be "I hate smoked meat". Feel free to use this one, if it serves to be true for you also :-)
Adri -- I always felt like a bad Montrealer for not having a 'country house' or 'chalet' somewhere in a small village outside of Montreal that I couldn't wait to retreat to on the weekends. Maybe it was the crowd I ran with (none of whom were rich or very adult-like). And as for Ubisoft, you have Gillian!
Now I'm dealing with flashes of Leonard Cohen eating a smoked meat sandwich - this is getting weird!
I forgot about Gillian! Does it count if there's one degree of separation? I feel as if I should actually have contact with one...
LOL. nice. My first experience of the "tam tams" (as a mcgill grad student-sober!) was seeing a drunken girl with NO PANTS (just grannie panties and a shirt) dancing away in the dust. We were like: "wow look at no pants girl, she must have been partying alllll night and forgot her pants somewhere- hippies".
Then later that same day the no pants girl was at my friends apartment... shelling corn. with no pants. STILL. She had decided that they were restrictive and stopped wearing them.. and happened to be friends with my friend's roommate. NICE. lol.
I miss montreal... but then again I was not a fan of the garbage strike (ack) and the weird oil truck that spewed black dust death into my apartment in the plateau.
the longer i'm away, the more those things seem less of a big deal though... hah.
glad i found your blog!
Blessings :)
Great story Eco-yogini... I will try to find out if that girl is still pantless :)
Je suis d'accord sur la plupart de tes points de vue. Pourtant je me considère, et te considère comme une vraie Montréalaise.
Être Montréalais c'est aussi apprécier les différences :)
And that is why I still let you be my dance partner ;)
BONNE FETE HENRI!
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